Force convicts to vote as a form of rehabilitation

Next time you find yourself idling at the lights, and one of those prisoner transport vans pulls up alongside you - you know the ones: scuzzy white paint job, reinforced opaque plastic windows - spare a thought for who's inside. Why not give them a little wave - kindness costs nothing, and they can see you even if you'd prefer it that they remained invisible.

In the prison system these vehicles are called 'sweatboxes', because in clement weather the individual cells become so insufferably hot that the passengers slide about on the plastic benches. As for being transferred - something the Prison Service does utterly capriciously and at a moment's notice - in inmate argot this is being 'ghosted', presumably because it's a spooky sensation getting yanked from somewhere you've been confined for months or years, to then be driven around the British motorways for hour upon hour, able to see - but never interact - with the world of the living.

Predictably, the Tories are already courting this inchoate lumpendemocracy

However, convicted criminals aren't merely deprived of their liberty, their self-respect and their status in the outside world; like any other revenants they're also deprived of the right to vote. This is a state of affairs that's come to the attention of parliament's Joint Committee on Human Rights, and they've told the Government that unless legislation is introduced in the next session to enfranchise at least some of its 84,000 prisoners, any subsequent election will be illegal under European law.

It will be amusing - but only a bit - to see how the individual vote, which is so devalued by free Britons that half of them can't be bothered to exercise it, will become an invaluable asset once it's about to be squandered on felonious scum. You can just picture the tabloid headlines screaming: 'Sick Killer Huntley Has His Say!' or some such tosh.

Predictably, the Tories are already courting this inchoate lumpendemocracy, and their shadow justice secretary, Nick Herbert, has said: "Claiming sweeping new entitlements for prisoners is a classic example of over-reaching human rights laws which have lost sight of the importance of balancing responsibilities. Parliament should make these decisions, not European judges."

Actually, I agree with all of that - but I still think most prisoners should get the vote. Law and order fans, who see prison as part of retributive justice, presumably think that denying prisoners a vote is part of the punishment - somehow I doubt prisoners experience it that way. Apart from the very few, I suspect prisoners are even more indifferent to their enfranchisement than the average Briton. What they do care about is getting out of chokey, which is why a parole system that allows time off for good behaviour is such a key component of sentencing policy.

I may be a bleeding-heart liberal - but my heart doesn't especially bleed for convicted criminals. With violent offenders I take the view that rehabilitation is absolutely essential - not to save them, but to save their future victims should they become recidivists. I agree with Herbert that responsibilities should be balanced with rights - which is why I want inmates to be responsible for becoming full citizens before they leave custody.

If I had my way every convicted prisoner would be compelled to undergo citizenship classes as a part of his or her sentence; these would focus on empathising with victims and social responsibility, before moving on to constitutional matters. No prisoner would be considered for parole until they'd passed these classes, and then resumed voting as part of their release schedule.

Ha, ha, ha! You laugh mirthlessly - there aren't even the resources to teach these people to read or write, or to provide those who're drug-addicted or alcoholic (the majority) with adequate treatment, so where's the funding for this civics fest?    

I don't know - but what I do know is that the British public will never accept prisoners voting unless it's as part of a genuine push to transform these listless sin bins, and reduce the prison population. For me, it's not about 'human rights' or 'Europe'. Personally, I don't think humans have any innate rights at all - we are what we are by virtue of our membership of a society, not a species.

Of course, if British prisoners did have the vote, they might well prove a more attractive constituency for politicians, whose only current interest in the Prison Service is trying to stop the Prison Officers from striking, and handing out contracts to build more of the bloody things to their cronies in the private sector. Bothered by bolshie inmates, the pols might see fit to enact some policies that would reduce Britain's ever-burgeoning prison population.

Any which way, enfranchising prisoners can only be a good thing - but then I'd be bound to see it that way, because I'm the sort of person who thinks voting should be pretty much compulsory anyway. I like the idea that one day, idling at the lights, I might find myself alongside a sweatbox, and know that inside it sat someone who'd been sent to jail for refusing to vote, and now couldn't be released until he expressed a genuine commitment to the democratic process. ·