Driven to the point of no return

The fact that in a matter of weeks it's going to cost £100 to fill up the car has thrown up a few issues. With petrol at that price, I'll be able to make one last journey and that's about it.

So obviously this will be a fairly important journey: where am I going to be for the rest of my life (as there ain’t going to be much moving about hereafter)?

I've made a list headed Issues: I like London and I like the country to help me decide.

The idea of never going to London is terrible, but the idea of never being in the country is worse. London might be better without so many cars on the road, but even so, it's quite built up.

So the country it is. And if it is to be the country, then I'll have to start growing my own vegetables as I don't see the bi-weekly trip to Waitrose as particularly feasible anymore.

So I'm going to need some land and be on the run of a (electric) milk float. Also, if I'm in the country, I'd like to be near the sea.

For a while it seemed that Morecambe might be the place: shops, sea and land. But somehow the idea of pitching up in Morecambe sounded like a risk. I realised that during these testing times it's imperative to surround yourself with the beautiful, the evolved, the ecologically sound, the pioneers championing these New Days.

So now it's all quite obvious: I'll just slip across the border into Devon and set up home alongside Zac and Sheherazade Goldsmith. It's so close I'll even have enough petrol leftover to make the odd trip to the supermarket. ·