The general public is not fit for purpose
David Cox imagines the speech politicians of all parties would really like to give
People of Britain, in a democracy like our own, you share with us, your elected representatives, the sacred duty of governance. I should like to thank you for your contribution. I should like to, but I won't. You're not only failing to do your bit; you've become the biggest outstanding obstacle to the advancement of your own well-being.
I appreciate that you can't be bothered to vote, join a political party or teach your kids to be socially responsible. You're far too busy with all that binge-drinking and spree shopping. Obviously, you've got to make phone-calls while driving, park in bus lanes and cycle on footpaths. And, of course, you find it too much bother to pay any of the resulting fines.
But do you have to demand better services at the same time as lower taxes? Must you ask for the planet to be saved while you insist on driving and flying? Do you have to clamour for things to be banned while decrying any infringement of personal freedom? Must you complain about immigrants taking jobs you're too idle to do yourselves?
You say you want politicians to speak their minds, but whenever we do, you accuse us of gaffes or splits. You hound us for accepting dodgy donations, but you refuse to fund our parties out of your taxes. You begrudge us our little perks, though we can't claim unfair dismissal when you capriciously turf us out. You have the nerve to despise us, when, unlike you, we make at least some effort to discharge our democratic duty.
Above all, with your unmerited sway over all of our destinies, you make it impossible for any politician to deliver a message like this. Voters, enough is enough. You're ignorant, stupid, selfish and hypocritical. Quite clearly, you're unfit for purpose. Resign, I say, resign. ·
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