In Dorset, this is a disco

Came back to Dorset after New Year and was delighted to see the next door neighbour. He bounded in to show me his rash (he gets one every birthday and every Christmas) and then said: "Something's happened since you last saw me". Oh? And what is that? The rest of their chickens killed by a fox? "No, actually," he said. "The last time I saw you I was seven. Now I'm eight." "Many happy returns," I said, "When was your birthday?" "June 25th," he said.

I'd only been gone a week. It's touching that my absence had seemed to him more than half a year. He seemed undaunted by the evidence though, and proceeded into the sitting room, turned off the lights and proposed a disco. It was only four o'clock, but the weather being somewhat overcast and the thatch being thick, without the lights on it could easily have been the middle of the night. He put on some music - African drumming in the end ("Don't you have any, you know, rock?") - and we enjoyed the disco for a while, with him demonstrating some good moves including threading the needle etc. Tired of that, we then settled on a game of chess. Despite all my New Year's resolutions, when he took my queen I overturned the board and snapped it shut on his fingers. He seemed surprised, and shortly afterwards went home.

When he'd gone, the extent of my mistake became clear. I am not overrun with friends down here. The one in Bognor has moved to Rome, the one in Bournemouth has just had another baby and my sister's boyfriend's school-friend who lives up the road is (apparently) embroiled in marital difficulties at present.

May have to come back to London. ·