The Midnight Meat Train

It seems a good 20 years since the schlocky psycho-killer Hollywood thriller reigned, so it's probably high time for a revival. And what better way to do this than a Clive Barker short story, writ large with a model-murdering meatpacker named Mahogany (Vinnie Jones) and a fey veganesque photographer hero called Leon (Bradley Cooper). Leon is in an artistic dilemma - should he carry on shooting crime-scenes or perhaps choose something a little classier? As if that weren't enough his relationship is going off the boil as his girlfriend (Leslie Bibb) dreams of a somewhat glossier life. And then along comes a snotty gallery-owner (Brooke Shields) who cocks a snook at his "melodramatic" photography... All this sends young Leon to New York's subway system, where a psychopath armed with a meathook lurks on the early-morning trains. At first our hero just wants pictures; then he wants to solve the puzzle - there are, of course, shades of Zodiac here. The Midnight Meat Train, while ticking all the obvious gore boxes, does show a little restraint and intelligence, but essentially this is the same old story: brute against bookworm, good against evil, vegan against butcher. You get the picture. ·