Arsenal after Woodgate and Oxlade-Chamberlain

Transfer talk isn't easily shocked. We barely batted an eye when Ashley Cole was caught texting photos of himself in his briefs, and we took it on our stride when told Wayne Rooney forked out £200 for a packet of fags. But now comes a revelation so disturbing it's left even us dumbfounded: according to Sky Sports, Arsenal are lining up a bid for Tottenham's Jonathan Woodgate.

The 30-year-old invalid, who's been known to turn out at centre-back when he's not on crutches, last played for the Spurs first team in 2009 before a groin injury sidelined him for 14 months. But Sky Sports says Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger is so desperate for a central defender he's seriously considering taking the former Real Madrid defender off Tottenham's hands.

The transfer fee – or medical bill, depending how you look at it - would be around £4m although Sky says Spurs' boss Harry Redknapp has yet to give the green light to the move.

Woodgate has been plagued by injuries since leaving Leeds United for Newcastle in 2003. After one season at St James' Park, he was sold to Real Madrid for £13.4m despite being crocked at the time. It was a year before he made his debut for Real, and what a debut it was; not only did Woodgate score an own goal he also got sent off.

From Madrid (where he played 14 games in three years) he went to Middlesbrough before winding up at White Hart Lane in 2008. Sky Sports believe Wenger is genuine in his desire to sign Woodgate, though here at Transfer Talk we reckon the canny Frenchman just needs someone to fetch the balls when Robin Van Persie practises his penalties in training.

More believable is Wenger's pursuit of another teenage starlet destined for big things. And five years after buying Theo Walcott, it seems Wenger is heading back to Southampton, this time in pursuit of wunderkid Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.

The 17-year-old has also been linked to Liverpool, Spurs and Fulham, but according to the BBC it is the Gunners who are favourites to get his signature.

Wenger has admitted he is keen on the youngster and said: "We are not the only ones on the case, but we try as hard as we can because I like him as a player."

Oxlade-Chamberlain broke Walcott's record by becoming the youngest player to represent Southampton when he made his debut aged 16 and 199 days in March last year.

Like Walcott, and another Southampton alumnus Gareth Bale, Oxlade-Chamberlain plays on the wing and showed his has an eye for goal by netting eight goals in 19 starts for the Saints this season. But if Arsenal are to sign the player they will need to persuade Southampton boss Nigel Adkins to sell, although he has said that he wants to keep hold of the 17-year-old.

The News of the World carried a story on Sunday guaranteed to put a spring in the collective step of Gunners' fans. Apparently Andrey Arshavin  – otherwise known as the Sloth of St Petersburg – will be leaving the Emirates in the summer for Stamford Bridge.

Arshavin got to know Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich during Russia's successful campaign bid for the 2018 World Cup, and the NoW says that Abramovich has now persuaded the 29-year-old Russian to move across London.

The news won't trouble many people at Arsenal, not since Arshavin – who arrived at the Emirates in 2009 – decided to forsake goalscoring this season for ambling round the pitch like a man trying to ease himself into a new pair of trainers. Nonetheless the NoW says it will still cost the Blues around £10m for Arshavin, who's managed just four goals this season for the Gunners.

And might Arshavin be Chelsea-bound because Didier Drogba is on his way out of Stamford Bridge? Unless Transfer Talk has put two and two together to get five, that would appear to be the scenario emerging after the Mirror revealed that Real Madrid are keen to bring the 32-year-old Drogba to Spain.

Real boss Jose Mourinho coached Drogba at Chelsea during his time in charge of the Blues and the Mirror says the 'Special One' still rates the Ivorian despite his advancing years and the fact he hasn't been the same since he went down with malaria last autumn. Apparently Chelsea would be willing to let Drogba go for £15m - £9m less than what the player cost the London club when they bought him from Marseille in 2004.

Chelsea's dismal run in the Premier League appears to have forced them to look for cover in defence, and Carlo Ancelotti is expected to finalise a deal for Benfica defender David Luiz this week.

The centre back is thought to be close to agreeing a £21.5m deal, which would make him the Blues' most expensive signing since they bought Andriy Shevchenko for £30m five years ago.

The 23-year-old Brazilian will provide much-needed cover at the back for Chelsea where the ageing pairing of John Terry and Alex have failed to impress so far this season.

Finally German website 4-4-2 reckons that Liverpool will be divesting Real of Karim Benzema because of Drogba's imminent arrival at the Bernabeu. The 23-year-old Frenchman has never established himself in Madrid since arriving from Lyon in 2009, and wants a fresh start at struggling Liverpool. Apparently the Reds will take Benzema on loan before the end of January's transfer window and if he proves his worth between now and the of the season, the move will be made permanent in the summer. ·