England a World Cup write-off: Goldman Sachs and Hawking

'Boffins' officially confirm that England 'couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo'

Professor Stephen Hawking
Professor Stephen Hawking was forced to miss a symposium yesterday that was held to mark his 70th birthday. The Cambridge theoretical physicist had been discharged from hospital only two days earlier and was still too unwell to attend. A recording of his
(Image credit: Frederick M. Brown)

The good people at Goldman Sachs have clearly got too much time on their hands. Instead of doing what they can to improve the global economy, the American multinational investment banking firm has turned its attention to the World Cup, pouring its resources into an examination of "every major international match since the 1950s", in a bid to predict the outcome of this summer's football jamboree.

Their findings are published in a 60-page report that, it's probably safe to say, won't be Wayne Rooney's bedtime reading in Brazil.

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Bill Mann is a football correspondent for The Week.co.uk, scouring the world's football press daily for the popular Transfer Talk column.