Inmates ‘serenade Michael with Careless Whisper’

No one could accuse the inmates at Her Majesty’s Prison Pentonville, George Michael's home for the next four weeks, of lacking a sense of humour, if there’s any truth in a Daily Mirror report today.

Evidently keen to make the singer feel at home on his first day in the notoriously tough prison, lags serenaded him with a twist on lines from one of his best-known songs.

Sex offenders on the same wing as Michael belted out part of the chorus from Careless Whisper, changing the lyrics to 'Guilty George has got no freedom', while others simply sang another of his solo hits, Freedom.

It is not recorded whether the warm welcome did anything to lift the singer's spirits - but judging from reports elsewhere, it seems unlikely.

According to the Sun, the former Wham! singer was sobbing in his cell last night and had to be given drugs to get to sleep. The tabloid reported further indignities heaped upon Michael, including having to swap his swish ‘designer suit’ for the prison uniform of blue jeans and plain T-shirt.

For breakfast he could opt for Coco Pops or muesli with UHT milk, and the lunch menu included a choice of pasta, mince and sandwiches - and chips with everything. A far cry - as pointed out by evangelists for the bleeding obvious - from his lifestyle in London's leafy Hampstead.

It iust also reported that Michael was made to take a basic maths and English test, including such taxing questions as: "If Peter had four apples and Paul had three, how many would there be in total?" Happily, he is said to have passed with flying colours.

Michael has been separated from mainstream prisoners, disappointed not to have a star in their midst. He is instead on a wing with sex offenders, paedophiles and police informers, with prison authorities desperate to prevent him being attacked. ·