Volcanic ash cloud: celebs tell their survivors’ stories

Enough already! You'd think no one had ever taken a 1,000-mile cab ride before. The former London mayor Ken Livingstone did it all the time! While the TV cameras concentrate on ordinary travellers stuck in airport lounges across Europe, celebrities have been regaling the media with stories of how they managed to beat the flight ban with a combination of mules, bicycles, rickshaws and amazingly extravagant taxi rides. The First Post marks their stories out of five.

• Whitney Houston (above), in England for her 'Nothing But Love' world tour, had to get to Dublin to give three concerts starting on Saturday. While other pop stars have been cancelling concerts left, right and centre, Houston took a three-hours-plus Stenaline ferry across the Irish Sea. Was it worth the effort? Lauren Murphy wrote in the  Irish Times, "Where to start? The suspicion of lip-synching? The cliched video montage of homeless people? The cringe-worthy between-song patter? Perhaps it's best to start and finish with a simple fact: Whitney Houston cannot sing live anymore." Ouch. But how often do you see a genuine pop diva slumming it on a ferry? She deserves points for that. 4/5

• Gary Lineker was stuck in Tenerife with his family and had to get back to present Match of the Day on Saturday. He flew to Madrid – like other Spanish airports, unaffected by the ban – and then drove across France to Paris where he caught a Eurostar train to London. He told reporters that his wife Danielle and his four children from his first marriage had "kept each other going" by singing throughout the 2,000-mile journey. He would have scored 5/5 if he hadn't then opened his Match of the Day commentary with the words: "We have games of volcanic proportions."  3/5

• Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, was in the United States. She flew to Lisbon and then, mysteriously, "found a way" of flying to Rome. From there a convoy of cars took her and her entourage through the South Tyrol back to Germany. Full marks for getting home – but then she cancelled her trip to Krakow where she was supposed to attend President Kaczynski's funeral on Sunday. Like Prince Charles, President Obama and various other world leaders, she made little effort to circumvent the ban and yet the distance to Krakow from Berlin is a mere 370 miles by road. 2/5

• John Cleese was visiting Norway to appear on the talk show Skavlan when the ash cloud descended. Unable to fly to London, and with the ferries across the North Sea apparently fully booked, he paid £3,300 for a cab to take him from Oslo to Brussels where he caught the Eurostar train to London. Nice try, but he has to be marked down because his "fabulous assistant" worked it all out and made the bookings for him, and he's clearly not as broke as he said he was after his latest divorce. 3/5

• Clare Balding was skiing in Les Arcs in the French Alps when the news came through that all flights were cancelled and she needed to anchor the rugby league clash between Hull and Leeds. She was unable to take a train because of a strike. "But we met a 65-year-old chap called Sidney at the station. He suggested sharing a hire car with him and his daughters. It took 27 hours to get to London but there was a tremendous spirit." Given that it was only last month - after presenting the Winter Olympics coverage -  that Balding was finally given a clean bill of health following her treatment for thyroid cancer, she gets full marks. 5/5. ·