The Pope needs a miracle to land Christmas No. 1

With two weeks to go before Pope Benedict XVI releases his Christmas album - and becomes the first singing pontiff to appear on Geffen, or indeed any record label - advance reviews suggest that a miracle may be needed if his Holiness is to compete with Bob Dylan, Robbie Williams, Susan Boyle and Sting for the Christmas Number One.
 
Sadly, it seems the Pope's debut album, Alma Mater, is likely to disappoint both his ardent admirers, hoping to hear his singing voice, and less devout fans curious to witness the transformation from rock of the Roman Catholic Church to rock star.

In a 50-minute album of Gregorian chants and original pieces of music, the Pope can be heard for a mere 10 minutes. He recites prayers to the Virgin Mary in various languages but his singing voice is not heard until 40 minutes into the record, when he leads the choir in the Regina Coeli chant.
 
After such a build-up, some reviewers are disappointed.

 Alma Mater is "not quite an unholy mess but it comes close," says Neil Fisher in the Times, in a two-star review. Although Benedict XVI's authoritative, baritone voice impresses when he reads his prayers, his singing is a shocker. "You experience that slightly distressing effect of standing in a pew next to the elderly relative who really should not be hooting along quite so loudly."
 
The Guardian's classical music critic, Tom Service, is less sacrilegious about the papal voice, but comes to a similarly grim conclusion. "The Pope's voice isn't bad," says Service, "but hearing him sing a handful of notes in a 50-minute album isn't worth anybody's £9.99."
 
Ultimately, the album's composers - a trio who include an agnostic Brit, a Catholic Italian and a Muslim Moroccan - have let the Pope down, Service argues. Simon Boswell, Stefano Mainetti and Nour Eddine have created "an album that's a festival of musical mediocrity, odiously dressed up as a spiritual tribute". ·