SuBo the musical: can it really be true?

Not content with ruining television for everyone, Britain's Got Talent is now doing the same for theatre with today's announcement that the Newcastle Theatre Royal is staging a production based on the life story of 2009 runner-up Susan Boyle.

In the musical, which will tell the familiar story of SuBo's rags-to-riches triumph from strange cat lady to super-rich cat lady, she will be played by the actress Elaine C Smith, best known for her portrayal of the wife of Rab C Nesbit.

The show, which has the title I Dreamed A Dream, will be a straightforward retelling of Boyle's journey. "It's got all the qualities of a fairytale, but with the added bonus of being absolutely true," says producer Michael Harrison.

But wouldn't a fairytale have been more fun? Real life is so over-rated. Or perhaps Susan herself could have played the part of Eliza Doolittle in a reworked production of My Fair Lady with Simon Cowell as Henry Higgins?

That essentially is Boyle's story after all - she appears in front of a panel who are prepared to mock the batty lady in the frumpy clothes from Scotland but she turns out to have a nice voice. That's it.

Familiarity with Susan Boyle's story is unlikely to prevent anyone buying a ticket, just as it doesn't stop anyone buying a ticket for The Buddy Holly Story and gasping when it is revealed that he's dead - a fact that, although well documented, never fails to amaze a sizeable section of the audience.

Who knows, maybe they'll be a twist at the end of I Dreamed A Dream and Boyle will take off her reading glasses, throw her moggy off her lap, shake out her hair and rollerskate about the stage to Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive.

Boyle has sold over 14 million album so the economics are obvious, but the price is steep. The message this production sends out to theatre-goers hoping to see original productions is a grim one, to aspiring playwrights even grimmer.

But it is the same story across Britain, where such is our obsession with fame that we cannot relate to anything unless it is through the prism of celebrity.

Even high-brow theatre is in awe of celebrity, with TV stars appearing in National Theatre revivals, and operas based on the lives of tabloid car crashes like Anna Nicole Smith. At least she had a dramatic life.

What next? A musical of Piers Morgan's tweets? An opera based on the exploits of Tina and Chandi the dancing dog? Paul Potts: The Movie?

Actually that last one is never going to happen. It was - but while Simon Cowell was attempting to interest Hollywood in a film based on the life of the first Britain's Got Talent winner the entire world suffered a collective amnesia as to exactly who Paul Potts is.

If you think the same will happen to I Dreamed A Dream, think again. After the Newcastle run next March there's a 26-week tour of the UK, US and Australia already lined up. Get your tickets when they go on sale next month - or you could just stay in and watch The X Factor. ·