Rooney-and-Balotelli prostitute slept with Harry Potter dwarf

Red top tales: Jennifer Thompson adds 4ft 5in actor to her list of conquests, Walsh calls truce with Cole

LAST UPDATED AT 12:51 ON Wed 11 Apr 2012

THE PROSTITUTE famed for having a threesome with Wayne Rooney slept with a dwarf days before she bedded Italian striker Mario Balotelli, according to The Sun. Jennifer Thompson slept with the 4ft 5in actor Josh Bennett, who played a goblin in Harry Potter, after a drunken night out. But she says it was a big mistake. "Not because of his size, but because it was a one-night stand and I'm not that type of girl," says Jennifer - known as 'Premiership Jen' after romping with footballers and once allegedly performing a sex act on an international striker in the toilets of a Manchester nightclub for £75.

LOUIS WALSH CALLS TRUCE WITH CHERYL COLE
Louis Walsh has called a truce with Cheryl Cole after calling her fake and accusing her of never singing live. The pair have been battling it out in a week-long catfight after Cole accused Walsh of being a bad manager. Walsh hit back saying he was a "better manager than she is a singer", adding: "She seems to be in the fashion business now, selling fake hair pieces, fake eyelashes, fake everything. Cheryl is a great clothes horse. Nice girl, but likes to get her own way. I've got two words to say: vocal lessons." But, according to the Daily Mail he has since texted the former Girls Aloud singer asking for the fighting to stop.

MIDDLETON'S COUSIN STRIPS FOR REALITY TV
Kate Middleton's burlesque dancing cousin is reportedly starring in a reality show about her stripping career. Katrina Darling, who discovered she was the Duchess of Cambridge's second cousin once removed last year, will film her US tour in a show called God Save Katrina Darling produced by LA-based Narrator Entertainment. Sources have told the New York Post that the show's promotion video plays heavily on her distant relationship with the royal family, with images of the Royal Wedding and a teaser that reads: "This summer the cousin they never knew they had will undress Mother England and the royal family will be caught pants down."

ONE DIRECTION SUED BY ONE DIRECTION
Boy band One Direction are reportedly being sued by One Direction, an American band who claim the British boys have stolen their name. The US One Direction, who formed in 2009, one year before the UK lads appeared on The X Factor, are demanding the Brits change their name. According to TMZ, they have filed the lawsuit and claim they filed a trademark application for the name long before their UK counterparts. They are apparently suing Simon Cowell's record label and Sony Music as well, demanding more than $1m in damages. The British band, whose appearance in Sydney apparently caused a dozen "overwhelmed" fans to faint this morning, is yet to respond.

KATY PERRY'S SONG TO WARD OFF ALIENS
Katy Perry has admitted she is obsessed with aliens since splitting from husband Russell Brand. Her fascination stemmed from watching US show Ancient Aliens, according to The Sun, prompting her to buy 50 of the DVDs and send them to her friends and family for Christmas. Lucky for her, she is convinced that if the little green men invade Earth she will avoid being probed because of her song ET. She says: "I do hope that when the aliens come, they'll recognise me. I'll be like, 'Please don't kill me, I wrote a song called ET.'" · 

Disqus - noscript

ROoney is shit 

For further concise, balanced comment and analysis on the week's news, try The Week magazine. Subscribe today and get 6 issues completely free.