Tinie Tempah: US strip clubs don't live up to hip-hop portrayal

Red top tales: strippers disappoint Tinie, sonar finds Nessie, koala gives 1D STD-scare

LAST UPDATED AT 13:33 ON Mon 23 Apr 2012

TINIE TEMPAH has made the stunning insight that the way strip clubs are portrayed in US hip-hop just isn't that accurate. The Sun claims that the British singer was left distinctly underwhelmed by his flirtations with the seedier side of American nightlife. "When I was listening to southern US rap, all I was listening to was strippers and strippers' booties," the 23-year-old said. "Then I went to a strip club in America. When you see a naked stripper for the first time she gives you a lap dance and tells you she is in college and she is stripping for her tuition fees."

SONAR DOESN'T PROVES LOCH NESS MONSTER LIVES
Skipper Marcus Atkinson was carrying tourists around Loch Ness on his boat when he noticed something funny on his sonar radar: a mysterious signal suggesting something 5ft wide was 75ft below them. Atkinson had little doubt what it was - a giant "serpent-like creature". "There is nothing that big in the Loch," he told The Mirror. "You can't fake a sonar image…undoubtedly there is something in the Loch." He was right in one sense - experts told the paper there was indeed something down there that caused the signal: algae.

HARRY DROPS KATE AND WILLS IN IT OVER MARATHON
Prince Harry's deadpan suggestion that his brother and sister-in-law will run in next year's London Marathon has been taken literally by The Daily Star. "Wills & Kate: We'll run marathon," read today's splash. Their "exclusive" story revealed how, during a live BBC interview after handing out medals at the marathon, Harry said it was "fantastic that my brother and his wife will be doing it next year", adding: "He's going to have to now, isn't he?" Clarence House confirmed the suggestion was a "jest" and said the pair have "no firm plans to run".

DID KOALA GIVE ONE DIRECTION BOYS CHLAMYDIA?
Teen heartthrobs Harry Styles and Liam Payne may have picked up an STD after posing for photographs with a cuddly koala, the Daily Mirror reports. The One Direction boys were said to be panicking after they were peed on by the animal while travelling in Oz. According to the paper, four in five Australian koalas have chlamydia. But the Mirror was quick to reassure any nervous fans, saying inter-species transmission of the disease was "very, very rare" and that it would be a "medical miracle" if the boys were infected.

STARS OF FLEEING-CUBA-FOR-USA FILM FLEE CUBA FOR USA
It was a bizarre example of life imitating art, according to the Daily Mail: the stars of Una Noche, a Cuban film about escaping to America, have gone walkabout after its New York premiere at the Tribeca Festival. Anailin de la Rua de la Torre and Javier Nunez Florian, both aged 20, had been granted visas lasting only a few days for their first-ever trip to the States, but bailed before the premiere and haven't been seen since. The film's director Lucy Mulloy said she was "surprised" and disappointed by the pair's decision, adding: "I really was thinking that they were going to come here and enjoy the festival." · 

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If they have picked up a STD it must have been from some old bow wow

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