Prince Philip jokes about undressing a blonde

Red top tales: Prince Philip humour strikes again, 'toff' blames dwarves for closing nightclub

LAST UPDATED AT 13:22 ON Thu 17 May 2012

PRINCE Philip joked with a police officer about undressing a blonde during a Diamond Jubilee visit yesterday. On seeing a woman in a red zip-up frock, the 90-year-old Duke of Edinburgh observed: "I'd get arrested if I unzipped that dress." The Sun claims the officer struggled to contain his laughter while the woman in question, 25-year-old Hannah Jackson, seemed taken aback. "I'm not sure what to say," she said. Later that day, Prince Philip told a woman in a foil blanket that she was dressed like a turkey. "Are they going to put you in the oven next?" he asked.

'TOFF' BLAMES DWARVES FOR CLOSING CHELSEA NIGHTCLUB
The co-owner of Public nightclub in west London has blamed disabled people and "toff haters" for its closure, the Metro reports. Privately-educated Howard Spooner said he had been the victim of a smear campaign to close down Public, which is next to a block of assisted-living apartments, after the council received complaints about noise and people urinating in the street. "If someone with a disability complains, it has ten times the weight of an able-bodied person's complaint," said Spooner. "If a dwarf says he can't live opposite a nightclub then it's impossible to have a nightclub there because able-bodied people are having fun."

AISHWARYA RAI 'BETRAYS INDIA WITH WEIGHT'
A Bollywood actress and former Miss World winner has been accused of "betraying" India by failing to lose her baby weight, the Daily Mail reports. A video clip showing the Bride and Prejudice star Aishwarya Rai Bachchan looking bloated after she gave birth seven months ago appeared on an Indian website captioned 'Aishwarya Rai's shocking weight gain'. The clip, which is also on YouTube, was viewed more than 500,000 times and elicited comments such as, "She needs to learn from people like Victoria Beckham." Bachchan's upcoming appearance at Cannes also has commenters fearful that her voluptuous figure will make Bollywood look bad.

LLAMA PREDICTS CHELSEA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE WIN
The Daily Mirror claims a llama called Nicholas has predicted a Chelsea win in the Champions League final on Saturday. The furry soothsayer indicated a victory against Bayern Munich by knocking a blue-coloured ball off a stick with his nose. He did the same for the FA Cup, say his owners, when he again foresaw a Chelsea win. And it seems Britain's answer to the World Cup clairvoyant Paul the Octopus has always been drawn to the beautiful game. "He often dribbles a football around with his nose," said Nicholas's owner.

WHY ISN'T THE VOICE ON RADIO, ASKS COWELL?
Simon Cowell wants to know why BBC talent show The Voice is on television and not radio, writes The Sun. The music mogul professes to be baffled: "So my first thought is, 'Why isn't this on radio?' because what's the point in looking at them," he asked Radio 4's James Naughtie. After watching a few more episodes, Cowell decided: "It's the same as The X Factor... I see a lot of shows trying to rip us off. If you try and rip somebody off it always looks like a bad copy." · 

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