Doctors stunned by severity of Wayne Rooney’s thigh injury

Aug 27, 2012

Tabloid Tales: Rooney’s gaping wound, nurse’s endless orgasms, Queen’s problem corgis

HOSPITAL doctors in Manchester were “stunned” by the severity of the gashed thigh muscle Wayne Rooney sustained in Saturday’s match between Manchester United and Fulham, reports the Daily Mirror. The striker had to have a general anaesthetic and stay in overnight because of the scale of damage to his muscle from the studs on Hugo Rodallega’s boot. The gaping wound required one long weaving stitch inside his leg, as well as a further 10 stitches to pull the skin together. Rooney will be out of action for at least four weeks, which means he will miss England’s first two World Cup qualifiers, against Moldova and Ukraine on September 7 and 11.

A 44-year-old nurse from Hertfordshire is suffering a medical condition that gives her up to 100 orgasms a day, reports The Sun. Kim Ramsey feels constantly aroused and the slightest movement can trigger a climax. “Other women wonder how to have an orgasm — I wonder how to stop mine,” says Ramsey who has been diagnosed with incurable Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder. She first discovered the problem when she took a new boyfriend in 2008. “I had constant orgasms for four days,” said Ramsey, who now lives in New Jersey. “I thought I was going mad... I even tried sitting on frozen peas."

The Queen has called in animal behaviourist Dr Roger Mugford, a regular on the TV show Britain’s Worst Pet, to help sort out the corgis who attacked Princess Beatrice’s elderly Norfolk Terrier, Max, according to the Daily Express. The corgis “ganged up” on Max while they were being walked by a member of staff at Balmoral. Mugford told the paper he has “an inkling” as to what might have happened. “There is a pack mentality that a group of dogs can develop which means that they regard any newcomer as a threat that has to be addressed.” Another dog behaviourist, Stan Rawlinson, fears the corgis were never socialised when they were puppies.

A thousand new words and phrases listed in a special section of the new Chambers Thesaurus include ‘notspot’ (an area whether there is no phone signal), ‘ringxiety’ (a feeling of panic when you hear a phone with the same ringtone as your own) and ‘intexication’ (the state of distraction you enter when sending a text). The World Lover’s Gallimaufry also explains the increasing use of word ‘celebutante’, to decsribe the likes of Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton, and ‘glamping’ - as in camping at an upmarket site. Also popular, reports the Daily Mail, is ‘butters’ - a shortened version of the American insult ‘butt ugly’.

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