My crazy rehab mix-up - a letter from Lindsay Lohan

LINDSAY LOHAN has narrowly avoided arrest by beginning a court-ordered 90-day stay at the Betty Ford Centre. A judge told the troubled star she had to begin her treatment on 2 May, but instead of going to the nominated facility in Westhampton Beach, New York, she boarded a private plane and flew to Los Angeles. Lohan spent "several minutes" at a rehab facility in Newport Beach, California, before driving off. She was later photographed shopping at an electronics store in Fountain Valley, California.

Could this mysterious missive that arrived at The Week's offices shed some light on what happened?

"OMG, what a day, right? You probably heard I kinda changed my mind about the rehab centre I was ordered to attend after that little car crash I had in Santa Monica last year. The one they said was caused by my reckless driving.

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"The judge said, 'You are so busted Lindsay. You have to go to the Seafield Centre in Westhampton Beach, New York for 90 days'. So I called my old man Michael – cos he knows all about rehab - and said 'Michael, what's the Seafield Centre like?' And he's like, 'do not go there Lindsay. The shower curtains are plastic, you're not allowed to smoke and you can't leave the property. It's like a motel!'

"Then I find out Westhampton Beach is in New York state, not, like, Manhattan! I looked it up. It's, like, a long way from Fifth Avenue.

"So anyway, I decided to go to a rehab facility in Newport Beach, California which is like, way more convenient and only 14 miles from Disneyland y'all! So I take the jet to LA to check it out. Turns out the place isn't licenced to offer recovery or rehab treatment, but whatever!

"So, I pull up outside the Morningside Recovery centre in the SUV and wait for the valet. I'm still waiting, like, 15 minutes later and I begin to think, 'I really don't like the décor or the whole vibe they've got going on'. I'm like, 'Do I really want to spend, like 90 days, in this place? There was just something about it that said 'Lindsay Lohan is not going to have a good time here'.

"So then my assistant calls and tells me Morningside have a problem with me having a cell phone in my room. Hello! They're also, like, 'it's not OK to have your entourage staying in your room while you're in rehab'.

"So, I get back in the SUV and get the hell out of there. Didn't look back.

"So then I hear my lawyer Mark Heller on the radio telling everyone: 'My client is ensconced in the bosom of that facility right now. She's in rehab right now. Nothing bad is going to happen.'

"Oops, I did it again! Guess ole Mark's gonna be real upset when he realises I went to the wrong rehab facility, then left and went shopping at a Fry's electronics store in Fountain Valley instead. Woulda been fine only someone took a picture of me at the checkout. I know! it looks bad, right?

"So, I call my old lawyer Shawn Holley and like, beg her to take me back as a client. Sorry Mark! I still owe Shawn, like $150,000 from all that legal stuff she did for me, but she's like, 'yeah, glad to help Lindsay'. So, Shawn gets me this sweet room at the Betty Ford Centre in Rancho Mirage and I don't get arrested. Result, right!

"Gotta go now, lots of love, L."