North Koreans long for return of Kim Jong-il

North Koreans are suffering a bout of mass depression in the absence of their Dear Leader Kim Jong-il, who has been touring Russia on his armoured train.

"Endless melancholia fills the hearts of the people… in the absence of their great leader and supreme commander-in-chief, comrade Kim Jong-il," the Rodnom Sinmun - the official paper of the communist party - reported, according to RIA Novosti.

Happily, North Koreans' suffering has not been in vain. Kim Jong-il, who met Russian president Dmitry Medvedev and is thought to have been offering nuclear disarmament concessions in return for aid, said "we're having a fun trip".

And according to KCNA, the North Korean news agency, the Dear Leader will be "delighted" at the "great achievements" made by his people while he has been away.

It reveals: "The Rangnang Ponghwa Garment Factory has almost attained its monthly target, while the Pyongyang Textile Mill has topped its daily assignments at more than 120 per cent." ·