Cameron enlists Topshop Green Monster. But why?

When are politicians going to stop getting so starry-eyed about the masters of the business universe? And when are these tycoons going to realise that climbing into bed with politicians inevitably ends up being a frigid affair?

The news that David Cameron has asked Topshop owner Sir Philip Green to lead a review of government spending follows a succession of appointments made during the Gordon Brown era, from Digby Jones to Alan Sugar.

All of these arrangements ended in tears - well, these guys don't cry, they just walk away when they're bored or, in Sugar's case, thank their lucky stars when the government loses power.

There are two reasons why these hugely successul businessmen almost always give up on their efforts to help run the country.

First, they can't get anything done in government: the wheels of Whitehall simply turn too damn slowly.

Second, only one thing really motivates men of this ilk - personal profit.

They might eventually have collected so much loot that they feel able to give it away to good causes - vis-a-vis the very public philanthropy pledge from Bill Gates and Co in the States - but giving away good advice, and giving a damn about how government operates, is an entirely different matter.

If these boys can't hear the tills ringing, or watch their fortune graph climbing, it ain't going to float their boat for very long.

Then there's the little matter of how much men like Green actually know. Yes, they may have started out selling 50p jumpers for £10 on a market stall and made a million by the time they were 19.

But how much of the creative thinking and know-how that has made them even richer comes from them  - and how much from the talent they employ?

Philip Green is notorious not only for his foul language - how will that go down, one wonders, with the army of civil servants being lined up to 'support' him at the Cabinet Office and the Treasury? - but also for the team of high-powered retail experts he put together to run Arcadia and Topshop.

The hot-pink knickers - or whatever - that will be flying off the shelves of Topshop in shopping malls across Britain tomorrow morning will have had about as much input from Green as my Aunt Fanny.

The Mole will be delighted to be proved wrong - but can't help wondering how long it will be before Sir Philip is being referred to in Whitehall by the same monicker used among staff at Arcadia: the Green Monster. ·