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Pass the sickbag - it’s the ‘Masterchef’ final
Why are only pampered panjandums allowed to be catered to by the BBC's amateur chefs?
So, the final of Masterchef is here again - 9pm tonight on BBC1, if you're interested - and all the telly columnists are agreed that the programme's the finest thing since sliced peaches and it's been another fab series. Well, excuse me while I throw up.
It's not the studio challenges I object to, nor watching the contestants sweat in a professional kitchen, nor the loud-mouthed judges Gregg Wallace (far left) and John Torode (far right).
What I find increasingly hard to take are the 'opportunities' Masterchef offers its contestants to prepare a feast for a group of diners, invariably gathered together in a castle or a palace or a regimental dining room, who deign to cast aside their normal catering arrangements in favour of a five-course feast prepared for their delectation by the humble amateurs.
At which point, these pampered panjandrums look down their noses at the dishes placed before them, sniff indignantly, and proclaim: "I don't normally like my quails eggs scrambled this way" - or some such nonsense - "but, I have to say, it's raaaaather good".
This is the BBC at its most retrograde. It's enough to make you wish the late Corin Redgrave and his Trotskyite buddies in the Workers' Revolutionary Party were at least put in charge of Britain's broadcasting, if not the country itself.
They don't have to be upper-class British twits to get the Masterchef producers salivating. In the last few days, we have seen tonight's finalists cook for the Maharaja of Jodhpur and his family in northern India.
As the camera panned across the imposing façade of the Maharaja's palace, the voice-over informed us that some forefather of His Magnificence - or whatever they call him - had had the place built in order to provide work to the locals during a catastrophic drought. Oh come on!
We then watched as the three finalists got themselves into a horrible lather, trying to prepare a meal fit to put before a Maharaja and his wife, sorry Maharani, without the ice-cream melting in the heat of the night.
As they love to do, Torode and Wallace interrupted the sweating contestants with such helpful comments as: "These diners are VERY DEMANDING!" or "You're cooking for ROYALTY, you know!" We were also reminded countless times that the Maharaja had his own cooks standing by in readiness should any aspect of the amateurs' offering displease him.
Pass the sickbag!
My point isn't that members of royalty - whether Indian, British or otherwise - don't have the right to the odd meal on the BBC. It's that it is always like this on Masterchef.
Why can't the contestants cook a meal for the 20 prisoners in Block C at Pentonville, or the common room at Northampton High, or, for that matter, the staff of The First Post?
We could do with a square meal paid for by the licence-fee payers and we're just as capable as the Worshipful Company of Museum Curators - or whoever's down for the next series - of turning up our noses at the filet d'halibut aux agrumes, vert et blanc de blettes, condiment a l'aubergine and saying, "Not bad, not bad - perhaps a little more seasoning?" ·
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We're obsessed with class because we're, er... British. And why are we obsessed? Because it is possible to influence legislation if you happen to have been born into the right family.
What a load of "class" nonsense you write. Have you forgotten that in the past the contestants have cooked for Army commandos and ordinary infantryman. why is it that you guys are so obsessed?
Quote from Jayprime: "TomNightingale, he probably expects television to be sport, sport, sport! "
I'll make a couple of points:
Firstly, no. Absolutely no. I rate much of televised sport as lowly as I rate foody shows (and I think we agree about football).
Secondly, how can you make such an inference from what I said? Not a very sensible response, my foody friend.
P.S. ANYONE can recognise GOOD food (and wine). If you like it, it is good (subject to nutritional restrictions).
Elektra: How do you know the samplers were unrepresentative of the majority...? Perhaps they were representative on a dimension you missed; after all, they were foody bozos. like the audience (I guess).
I completely agree. We're supposed to live in a 'classless society' (yeah right), yet all the people sampling the amateur cooks' wares were unremittingly upper middle-class and annoyingly unrepresentative of the majority of the audience. Even my 12-year old son noticed how ridiculously class-bound this program was, which is really saying something.
So you think that "the 20 prisoners in Block C at Pentonville" would be able to recognise GOOD food?
No, they'd probably just reach for the salt cellar and slather the food so as to make it unrecognisable.
As for the greedy, green-eyed denizens of "The First Post", they'd not be able to taste it through the cheap whisky they probably swill all the time.
If a chef works hard to create a dish it is gross rudeness not to at least try it AS PREPARED!
If you need to judge the quality of a prepared dish you need judges who have experienced good food and can tell what is good and what is not.
As for Keenan James, ALL new presenters start out as 'glorified' this or 'average' that and, hopefully, build up experience as they go - a bit like you, probaly, Keenan, in your job.
As for TomNightingale, he probably expects television to be sport, sport, sport!
Sorry kids, some of us have good taste in our watching habits, and allow tolerance of newcomers, and of the viewing preferences of other people, not just our own petty prejudices. If you don't like what's on - change channels or switch off! Like I do when programme schedules are stuffed full with a bunch of idiots kicking a ball around!
It is just another dreadful (perhaps exceptionally ) example of what happens when people try to make cookery into an art form. The shows survive because there are enough idiots watching to make them viable. Unfortunately, we all have to pay licence fees. I'd vote for an electoral candidate who would campaign to have all such nonsense on pay per view, so as soon as the bozos benefits ran out they would no longer be able to watch.
Excellent rant. How a glorified fruit and veg man and an average chef have found their way onto our screens (for what seems like most of the year) I will never know.
Still, while I feel sorry for the contestants - they must have watched the show before applying to be on it and deserve everything that they get.