Pygmalion complex of the tennis parents who can never be satisfied

There was nothing I could ever, ever do to satisfy him, whether it's on the court, off the court." This admission came from Jelena Dokic after suffering years of abusive treatment from her father, Damir Dokic, who put her under constant pressure, criticism, and threats to become an international tennis champion.

By the age of 20, Jelena ranked fourth in the world. Three years later, in 2006, her ranking had slipped to 621. Discouraged and brow-beaten, Jelena had stopped trying. It was only when she was able to separate from her father that she began to recover both her drive and her ranking.

Nevertheless, her father's abusive treatment of her has left its scars. Just this month she had to withdraw from a match in Paris due to a bad back and we are left wondering about what internal pressures may still be crippling her.

Mary Pierce’s dad shouted at his daughter during a match, ‘Mary, kill the bitch!’

There are countless stories of pushy tennis parents and, with Wimbledon upon us, there will doubtless be more in the coming days. Damir Dokic is the most dramatic figure. He has recently been on trial in Belgrade for his threat to bomb the Australian ambassador, following Jelena's claim in an Australian magazine that he abused her as a child. Despite his protests that it was all a joke, incendiary devices and rifles were found in his home.

The Williams sisters' father, Richard Williams, is also well known for his aggressive behaviour during matches, especially aimed at his daughters' opponents. He expressed support for Jim Pierce, father of Mary, grand slam champion, who notoriously screamed at his daughter during a match, "Mary, kill the bitch!" It is perhaps no coincidence that the culprits are largely fathers - fathers who have made their child's tennis career into their own.
 
Most of us assume these parents are pushing their children because of unfulfilled desires and consequent frustrations of their own. While this undoubtedly plays a part in their behaviour, the story is more complex.

Some of these parents - in extreme cases - may be likened to Pygmalion. Ovid's story of Pygmalion depicts him as a sculptor who has carved a beautiful woman in ivory. Disillusioned and repelled by the sight of women prostituting themselves, Pygmalion falls in love with his perfect creation and prays to Aphrodite to bring her to life. His wish is granted, they marry and Pygmalion's creation remains his sole possession. Although she has come to life, she is perfect partly because she is without a will and desire of her own. She is flawless and she is his.
 
From this myth, we can see the seeds of what in psychology is called the Pygmalion Effect, in which children perform better when their parents place high expectations on them as compared with children whose parents do not have such high expectations or have low expectations.

The parents' expectations are internalised by the child and they become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This may function in a benign way to the benefit of the child or, if the expectations are too high, it may have a destructive effect. Nothing will ever be good enough.

What is striking, for example, about Damir Dokic's abusive behaviour is that it seems to have become worse as his daughter's performance improved. Each success generates greater anxiety and the need for greater control. Not only is there more at stake, but the child's success in the mind of the parent may lessen the child's dependency. Each success brings an increased threat of independence. In Damir's case, when he lost his power over Jelena, he seems to have lost his mind.
 
In these extreme cases, the expectation to create perfection in the child masks a severe sense of inadequacy and failure within the parent. The often vicious attacks against the child who is not performing well enough - and against the child's opponents - are in turn an expression of sadistic rage against imperfection and failure. This rage may stem from the parent's own unconscious anger towards the parent who in turn failed them.

As the myth suggests, Pygmalion needed to create an image of a perfect woman, untarnished by failings and without her own will and her own sexuality as an antidote to his repulsion and disillusion with women whom he associated with prostitution.

The mother who in the child's eyes has betrayed and failed him must be restored on her pedestal. But this can only happen when she is his own creation and possession. Failure in any form takes on a persecutory quality that is then lived out in the parent's need for their child to succeed.
 
For children like Jelena Dokic who become players in their parent’s internal drama, separation from the parent becomes extremely difficult and hazardous. The child is aware at an unconscious level of the parent's mental fragility and the need to continue to perform for the parent is inextricably linked to their need to keep the parent's mental state intact. As Jelena argues, "You can't expect a 15-year-old not to defend the father of your family."

Criticising her father's behaviour and failing to comply with it meant risking not only the father's sanity but the fabric of the family itself. Jelena gradually broke down in her attempts to perform for her father and it was only when she was able to separate from him that she began to recover and he had a breakdown.
 
During Wimbledon fortnight, the BBC cameras will as ever pan to the parents of the young contenders. Some will appear overly eager, some just smug. However their pushiness manifests itself, when their expectations exceed what is realistic for the child, and come from their own narcissistic needs, either the child will ultimately crack or they will. ·