In Depth

Woody Allen quotes: all the lines you always wanted to know*

Writer and director Woody Allen is never short of a quip. Here are his most celebrated quotes

Woody Allen

*But were afraid to ask

Woody Allen is among the most prolific coiner of quotable lines and sayings over the past few decades. In the selection below he address love, sex, life, death and everything in between.

Woody Allen quotations

"The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have."

"Eighty percent of success is showing up."

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."

"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."

"I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers."

"Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with."

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

"I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social."

"I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem."

"I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse."

"I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't."

"Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more."

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans."

"How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?"

"If my films make even one more person feel miserable, I'll feel I've done my job."

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