Sex doll brothels forced to close

A man who opened two brothels in China ‘staffed’ by sex dolls says he has been forced to close them. Customers paid 188 yuan (about £20) for an intimate hour with the saucy silicone models, until police in Shenzen entered the building to shut the operation down. Customers have not taken the news well. One phoned the owner and asked: “Is playing with dolls illegal now?”

Brits want Arnie to protect us from aliens

The British public would choose Arnold Schwarzenegger to lead Earth in the event of an alien invasion, according to a landmark poll. Will Smith came a close second thanks to his role in Independence Day, with Bruce Willis also in the running. A pollster said: “It’s worrying to see that so many celebrities with fictional alien experience are considered better candidates than our current crop of world leaders.”

Goats roam around Welsh town

Goats who missed out on their annual contraceptive programme are causing havoc in the Welsh town of Llandudno. The animals are now getting locals’ goats by causing chaos, with kids roaming the streets and arriving in neighbourhood gardens for lunch.