In Depth

Joan Rivers: the comedian's best quotes and clips

A round-up of celebrated yet controversial comedian Joan Rivers' most scathing one-liners

Joan rivers

The legendary comedian Joan Rivers died last night aged 81, a week after suffering a heart attack during a routine medical procedure.

Rivers worked in comedy for over half a century, writing most of her own material, according to Time magazine. The Fashion Police host was no stranger to controversy and "unapologetically blunt" in her jokes and comments, but was also her own fiercest critic.

Here's her sardonic take on everything from grandchildren to the royal family:

On ageing

"You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it."

"My face has been tucked in more times than a bed sheet at the Holiday Inn."

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue 2 more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.

— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) August 6, 2014

I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.

— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) July 2, 2014

On working out

"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."

"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."

On children

"Grandchildren can be so f***ing annoying. How many times can you go, 'And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink'? It's like talking to a supermodel."

"A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon."

On cleaning

"I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later, you have to start all over again."

On other celebrities

Kanye West got booed again for ranting while on stage. Perhaps he should leave the ranting to a professional, like Alec Baldwin.

— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) July 8, 2014

Justin Bieber has apologized for a video of him telling racist jokes and using slurs. He should really issue one for "Never Say Never 3-D."

— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) June 6, 2014

Nicole Kidman's movie about Princess Grace is getting bad reviews. I think Nicole is sad about it, but it's hard to tell with all the Botox.

— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) May 24, 2014

On the royal family
On her death

"At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents."

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